There are many ways to solve conflict. Some people choose to avoid as many conflicts as possible. They may, for example, feel that their actions will be out of their control once they are exposed to conflict. My uncle is an example. He, once being aggressive, makes people, even his family members (including me), not recognize him. When he gets angry, he destroys almost everything he sees without any thinking about any consequences of his actions. He throws dishes, mirrors and other households. He scares me a lot. However, after that, he feels regretful about his behaviors. Thus, he choose to avoid any problems that can create any conflicts between him and other people.
Nevertheless, to me, this is not the best solution to conflict. There are much better ways, I think. One of them may be a non-violent approach to conflict resolution in which calm and self-controlled are of the vital importance. Then, we have to choose the best solution, which can be accepted by both parties. Yet, this is easy to say and understand, but very hard to conduct. Unfortunately, people often choose solutions that can satisfy their own benefits first, such as getting mad or blaming another person, or under some circumstances, using power and influence to force others to concede them. For me, I used to be a quick-tempered person, who can blame others for any disagreements. But I have tried to improve myself, to become a reserved and somehow an introversial one. Not completely successful, but now I can say that I am much better than I was several years ago, more calm, and self-controlled.
"Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional". (Max Lucade).
5 comments:
Hi Duy,
I agree with you that conflict is part and parcel of our lives. I also agree that conflicts can cause anger, hostility and disappointment. However, I fail to see how conflicts improve our relationship with others.
I also agree that the solution your uncle adopts to reduce conflicts is not very effective. One should not avoid all problems in life as this is just running away from reality. As you have said earlier, conflicts are part and parcel of life. Only when we solve our problems can we improve and move on in our life. I also find that your solution to conflicts is one of the best, as it tries to accommodate both individual’s needs. However, as you said this is a difficult solution to learn as not many people are willing to compromise and accommodate to other people’s needs. Maybe another solution could be to ask a third neutral party to help solve the problem?
Cheers
Michael
Hey Duy,
The post is a nice read. I like how you describe the way you will approach a conflict. You have not only talked about conflict resolution very closely but also have given other ideas along side without making your post too lengthy. I think this is commendable.
However, I feel that being an introvert does not always solve a problem. What if the conflict is due to some misunderstanding or miscommunication between two people?
One can talk his way out through effective communication and interpersonal skills most of the times. Think about it..:)
Hi,
I totally agree with your quote "Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional". It is true that it is not how many conflicts happen matters, it is how we deal with such conflicts.
As in your example, different people will have different actions. Some choose to avoid conflicts as most as possible like your uncle, which I also think is not recommended. Some will improve himself through time like you, which is very commendable.
In conclusion, resolving conflicts is not a easy task. It requires a very keen of interpersonal communication and the ability to talk with others to come to a compromise.
Cheers,
Duc
Hi, the post was clear and concise in that it addressed the topic directly and proceeded to give examples of interpersonal conflicts. Some points could be better elaborated, such as how conflicts could enable one to better sympathize and empathize with others.
I agree with geetika that choosing to be introverted may not be the best solution. A good balance is needed since we continue to have social responsibilities and thus have to interact with others. However i must say that having met you, I would never have guessed that you were once quick tempered. I think you have made good progress in that regard and would encourage you to keep up the good effort!
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